Shared from @Dorsetmum's....
Dear Boris Johnson
I am writing to notify you that I am resigning from my teaching post effective immediately. I feel the job description was advertised incorrectly and insufficient training has been given to date. In my short time of teaching, I have found the role is beyond my personal intellect and understanding (god bless You Tube though). My stress levels are making me grumpy and my calorie consumption has again skyrocketed to dangerous levels just to try and get me through the day.
I would like to thank you for the opportunity to spend this quality time with my 2 feral children however I seem to have missed the PDF which teaches me how to gain respect and stop them messing about all day long. I can't even get 5 minutes peace on the loo without hearing them scream 'The Floor is Lava'!
I appreciate as Prime Minister you are trying your best in these difficult times but I beg you to send a supply teacher as a matter of urgency, preferably one that understands the million different verbs, geometry and fractions so I can stop googling everything, and please ensure they can simultaneously deal with all the school work a 4 year old child receives which is fast depleting my stock of crafts and sanity.
Should a similar position arise in the future then I would like to politely ask that you do not contact me. I have decided that tomorrow we are going to create our own curriculum which will involve us watching non-educational old classic films, baking cake and making lemonade (which may or may not have vodka in for me).
Many thanks again for this experience which I have no desire to repeat. I look forward to meeting my replacement soon.